Whatever

Remember that song? From a few years back. Don't worry, be happy. I kind of feel like that's where I am for this moment in time. I am settled back in to a kind of complacency. I am constantly inspired by the world around me, interested in so many things. I am captivated by the endless creativity and enthusiasm I find in artists and crafters at shows, shops and on the web. There was a time when I spent all weekend visiting new places, exploring restaurants, seeing shows. It's fascinating to see how others build, design, display, covet, collect. Shopkeepers transform a loose amalgamation of yet more stuff into "curated" (big word these days) collections that speak about vision, commitment, beauty and joy. Artists explore material, media, matter; add passion, emotion; yield something new and wondrous. It's easy to treat the world like a theater...pay your dues, spend your money, take it all in. Simple. Not too much effort.

5 Stages

I've been thinking about the 5 stages of grief. Identified by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross the 5 stages are commonly displayed by people facing their own, imminent death. The concept has become popularly associated with most any type of tragic or devastating occurrence. Not to make light of true tragedy, for I am acutely aware of how often we throw those kinds of words around, rendering their original intent nearly meaningless. In its own way this has been a devastating experience...being unemployed without the means to support myself, to pay my bills, to face retirement without a hope of normalcy. In the beginning I kind of wondered why - having acknowledged its seriousness - the situation was NOT freaking me out. Was it, in fact, denial - the first stage of grief? I think in some ways it was. I am still a little in denial, now hoping more than believing that I - unlike all the people I know in the same situation - I will find a job before the problem becomes serious. But the second half of stage 1 - isolation - WAS prominent. I was choosing not to see anyone or do anything when possible because it all seemed too frivolous. I felt I had to be conservative, workman-like in my day-to-day activity. Stage 1: check!

Stage 2, Anger. I don't know that I was angry. I didn't blame the company or anyone in it, I didn't rail against God and humanity. But then I realized, as time went by, I was beginning to become infuriated at the situation itself. How could I, a person who always played by the rules, who never took anything from anyone, who has done everything necessary to be a responsible self-supporting "good citizen," be in this situation? How unfair is it that the unscrupulous businessmen/bankers/brokers et al are getting handouts from the government to save them from themselves and I'm on my own. Stage 2: check!

Stage 3, Bargaining. I didn't exactly skip stage 3 but my bargaining was a little more subtle. I gave myself a month to be unemotional, proactive and hopeful. Well the month came and went with no change. I gave myself one more week because, after all, there were some hopeful signs. The week came and went. I gave myself another day and the day came and went. Stage 3: check!

Stage 4, Depression? Hmm, stage 4. Suffice it to say for the first time - there were tears. Stage 4: check!

And stage 5, Acceptance? I'm not sure. Yes I've accepted "it" for what it is. And this is really where the analogy falls apart. I can say I have accepted it but, unlike one in the throes of a real tragedy - I will go on. My acceptance is only of a revised way of life - not the end of one. That's what I need to hold onto. I need to get over myself - it's not a tragedy - it's a setback. I have started doing things again. I have days I feel positive about the changes to come. I will likely have to embrace a new way of living,. I will likely have to make some decisions that do not come easily to me. I am already a little taken aback at my lack of a decisive direction. Maybe - since this isn't about a tragedy of that magnitude - maybe the fifth stage in this process - of forced reinvention - is Action.

Renovations

So I've reorganized the blog again (I've warned you). With all the job hunting I'm doing I've decided I really need to have a proper portfolio of my work. So I've converted the blog pages that used to do that job to showcase some home projects. I love these little narratives. They do not tell the story of major change. Instead they simply highlight how little changes make such a big difference. Now I realize some may not think that ripping out every single fixture in the kitchen is little. But in the scheme of modern home renovation - believe me it is. In any event these are projects that last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. They mostly involve as much planning as they do implementation. Regardless of the amount of blood (in the form of dollars) sweat (meaning uncertainty) or tears (due to something NOT cooperating)each provided, in the end they are little bright spots that I see and appreciate everyday. They validate my talents, invigorate my creativity and bring a smile to my face. It seems silly sometime when I compare this little preoccupation to the difficulties and worries we all have - some profound. But it is all part of the tapestry of life. In fact it is what "A Good Life Well Lived" is really all about: live honestly, live simply, find joy where you can, and when you kind of can't - at least try to keep it in perspective. BTW: the photo above? It's the view from the master bathroom through the walk-in to the {unmade} bed in my bedroom. I think it's a pretty picture even if it is unkempt and not really for the public. Seems appropriate for this post, you know what I mean? ;0)

Roller Coaster

Bad things that happened to me:
1. lost my job
2. got nailed by the irs for an $870 oversight on my 2009 return (!)
3. didn't win the lottery
4. need 4 new tires - like immediately...

And now for the ascent:
1. got asked to interview for 2 new jobs
2. met a few really sweet new people
3. watching Seinfeld
4. discovering Joy The Baker (click header above to discover her too)
5. finding Gardiner, NY (and Hi-Ho, Heidi, The Cupcake Festival)
6. Annabelle...
Okay I'll stop now. Hopefully you get the point. If you find your life feeling a little like you're on a downhill run keep a positive attitude and trust that there's a turn for the better right around the bend-and that it'll be a long one!

Have a great weekend!